fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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