1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
