Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
