dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
