He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
