Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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