So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
