Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
