So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
