capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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