i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
