He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
