Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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