so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
