the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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