How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
