Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
