I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
