I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
