wake up i wanna do it froggy style
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize