DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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