the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
