Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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