Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize