Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
