you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
