Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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