i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
