i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm too high and old for this...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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