We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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