So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
