i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
