I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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