i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize