I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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