You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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