Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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