I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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