He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
