last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
