My nipple is on Facebook.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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