Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
