So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
