i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
