My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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