I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
