I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
