wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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