Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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