it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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