i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
