What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
