It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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