i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
