So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I cut my penus on the lid.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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