im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
