No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
