they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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