I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
