time to smoke my breakfast
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
