But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
