I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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