After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
