Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
