I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
