I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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