addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
