8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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