Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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