i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
