I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
