I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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